career woman:

Don’t eat spaghetti at your stove at 3:00am. You’ll get heartburn.

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times are cold:

I’m still reeling from Young and in the Way’s set at Don’t Call this a Fest in Detroit yesterday. I don’t think I can adequately describe the experience as I was entombed in the most evil crusty black metal while a horror show unfolded before my eyes. The only thing that may have snapped me out of it would have been being doused in cold pigs blood, but in his Satanic fervor, Kable Lyall accidentally knocked his personal jar of pigs blood over during the second song, which quickly left a giant crimson stain on the stage.

PS: They were scary as hell.

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always keep your mouth shut:

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I could watch Serial Mom and Goodfellas 100 times.

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crux:

After a minor medical scare with Oliver the other day, I realized that he is probably my only horcrux.

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thursday night at the movies:

I just got home from seeing Obvious Child again. I’ve actually been seeing a lot of movies lately:

1. Godzilla: Two ancient monsters want to fuck each other, which makes Godzilla mad, and as a result, terror & tyranny are created on a global level.

2. Obvious Child: A scorned comedienne gets an abortion on Valentines Day and subsequently discovers that she’s interested in her straight-laced, shegetz one night stand.

3. Deliver Us From Evil: An unconventional priest goes for a run & has a glass of whiskey; as he shuns a prostitute’s advances, evil spirits overtake a zoo and corpses rain from the sky.

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Finally, my hair is nearly long enough to tie around my neck.

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dark triangle:

My friend Alex sent me this great article about a corpse being mistaken for an April fools’s day prank.

Here is the rest of the conversation since I don’t have anything nice to write about.

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more on the gvsu corpse situation

After talking to Scott (who is way more street smart than I am) on the telephone today, I learned some new slang terms for cocaine, such as ‘white boy’. I’m going to look up more on the internet later.

In other news, after a blunt smoking incident, I accidentally spilled a whole vanilla milkshake on my back porch last Thursday while trying to deposit a stack of books into my apartment. As a result, my porch has smelled like a decomposing milkshake for days! God help me!

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dissolving teeth:

NEWSFLASH: Dead Body Falls out of Coroner Van, Lands in Road. “Coroner ‘deeply regrets incident.'”

In other news, over breakfast, it was discussed that Crystal Clear Pepsi was Pepsi’s answer to Coca-Cola, whose original recipe actually contained cocaine, cementing it’s reputation as the bad boy of the soda industry. Crystal Clear Pepsi, in turn, contained crystal meth, it’s clear color distancing itself from it’s burnt caramel colored, teeth-staining competition. Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between soda consumption and eventual tooth decay, however, the meth in Crystal Clear Pepsi made consumer’s teeth fall out at an accelerated rate, so it didn’t last very long on the market, as those addicted to crystal meth have enough problems.

I’ve been pretty obsessed with drugs dissolved in sodas lately. See comic: Ruin Scott’s Life: Scott Goes to Jail (2014).

Once again, I’ve had another dystopian dream where many people are pursuing me in order to murder me (!). In this dream, I cannot leave this giant, old white Colonial*
house after dusk without the fear of getting my throat slit. I have variations of this dream every week; probably for years now. I wonder what it means. Haha!

*Am I a victim of colonialism; is white patriarchy trying to murder my dreams of drug-infused sodas? Oh my god!

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