My life now:

Getting recognized in a Taco Bell parking lot for being on Fox News.

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Protected: you can use these tears as a lubricant if you want:

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where i’m calling from:


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mystery dinner

You can still keep things ultra spicy even if you have a geriatric stove that no longer has legible temperature control units because:

1: my cooking style is analogous to my romance style: INTUITIVE & RECKLESS

2: The only temperature setting in the Deckard kitchen is 🔥🔥🔥

Please check the comments if you don’t care for dangerous dinners & prefer your mysteries solved.🔎🍛

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World News Now: Dog Sells Adderal

Fell asleep to a news report about the increased rates of dogs being prescribed antidepressants and woke up a couple hours later panicking about the state of Oliver’s interior life. Wondering how long it will take for hyperactive dogs to be prescribed Adderal and how much longer until they’re selling it to their friends.

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Do you know who you are?


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The first cut is the deepest:

I’m wondering if there is some sort of event for those experiencing the rite of passage that is first ever grad school application rejections. A blood letting ceremony? forum doesn’t say anything about it.

Immediately after, this consolation prize came in the mail:  

A prize wherein the ghost of James Gandolfini appears with a pan of baked ziti and tells you that you’re a moron.

Lots of ghost talk lately. I’m a very haunted lady. I hope my grad school rejection and desire for a ghost butler/friend doesn’t make me emotionally damaged. I guess we’ll find out later*. Stay tuned to find out the fate of my emotional condition.

* I still have 2 months to receive rejections from six more schools. Maybe I shouldn’t apply to programs that literally only accept 4 people; I’m too delicate for this shit.

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